Scheduling Your Family: How Do You Choose?

I hate to bid farewell to summer, the season of flexibility and spontaneity. Eventually, though, summer schedule gives way to fall, and the freedom to be flexible is replaced by appointments, deadlines, expectations. The whole family shifts to a more disciplined, scheduled life. And the hardest part, I think, is the time of transition when carpools form, uniforms are ordered and practices begin. It’s when decisions must be made

How do we choose?
Because I advocate slower lifestyles, people often tease when they discover that all four of our kids are signed up for soccer. What these people may not realize is that our choices support our family values and respect our capacity.

Determine Family Values
In addition to affirming moral and spiritual values, families gain from exploring their unique family values. They might ask:

• How much do we value time outdoors? Some families forsake indoor activities so their kids are free to play in the yard all day; other families ask their kids to dedicate hours to practicing an instrument or rehearsing for a musical, sacrificing time outside to develop a gift.
• What’s our balance between time together and independence? Families that homeschool may want their kids to be coached by others sometimes; families whose kids have been at public school all day may prefer unprogrammed time together.
• Would our kids flourish under a professional instructor or gain more by exploring interests on their own?Depending on personality and the type of activity, investing in professional input could be valued more highly than interest-driven hobbies pursued by the child alone. 
• What’s our motivation to sign up for this activity? Are we simply valuing what others value without thinking it through for ourselves? Sometimes we sign up to be part of the “in” crowd; other times we default to the values of our parents or neighbors rather than decide what is true for us.

Taking time to determine a family’s values can make decisions much easier.

Capacity and Limits

Still, no matter what a family decides, they will at some point face limits. We may try to work around those limitations which may include finances, logistics, patience, or energy levels, or we can choose to ignore them. But if we exceed our capacity day after day, we will eventually show signs of stress.

To avoid stress, it helps to know what each person in the family can handle. For example, a mom with boundless energy may drag her kids to one activity after another without considering if her daughter is an introvert desperately needing some down time. A one-car family may not be able to sign up three kids for three different activities in the same season simply because they can’t get each child to the right place at the right time. Deciding what to say yes (or no) to this fall is infinitely easier after determining each family member’s limits.

Values + Capacity = Ideal Pace
To illustrate our own family’s process, let me refer our soccer decision.

We’re fairly frugal, so our community recreational soccer league—located about ten minutes from home—is both affordable and close. Emphasizing fitness and fun while learning the game of soccer, the coaches’ philosophy is to teach and affirm, resulting in a positive atmosphere that lines up with our values.

We prefer to be together on weekends, so we enjoy climbing into the minivan with a pocketful of loose change for the concession stand and spending a few hours at the fields where we cheer for the teams, snack, and chat with friends we’ve developed over the years.

We love the outdoors, and the fields are located in a somewhat rural area, its perimeter lined with giant oak and walnut trees. Younger kids, when they aren’t playing soccer, spend hours gathering acorns and walnuts, sorting them, piling them up, tossing them at fence posts.

We’ll never know what we missed by avoiding the elite leagues, but what we have is good. In fact, I dare say it has proven to be the ideal fit for our family, because it respects the activity level we can handle—that is, our limits—while reflecting our values.

This fall, may you discover your values, respect your limits, and settle into the ideal pace this fall—one that frees you and your family to flourish.

Ann Kroeker is a speaker and author of Not So Fast: Slow-Down Solutions for Frenzied Families (David C. Cook) and The Contemplative Mom (Shaw Books). She blogs at annkroeker.writer., her author blog, and Not So Fast, where she writes about slowing down in our fast-paced world. Ann and her husband have four kids, and together they continually seek balance and a rich faith in the jumble of writing, reading, learning, laughing and laundry.

Ann Kroeker

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